May is Masturbation Month!

Ladies and gentlemen! You have one day to catch up if you haven’t yet been celebrating National Masturbation Month this May!

There are so many things I love about this, it’s not even funny. I love the reasons it exists. I love that U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders supported masturbation and wasn’t afraid to say it out loud. I love that because she was forced to retire, Good Vibrations got behind her and supported it as an important aspect of health.

I love the message:

It is! Free! Safe! Healthy!

I also feel really quite strongly that masturbation is really important for developing a healthy sexuality. I think it’s especially important for young women to have experience masturbating before they are heavily involved in a sexual relationship with a partner. It’s basically accepted that boys masturbate because, well, it’s just hanging there, so it’s kind of obvious. We learn about wet dreams in middle school, for goodness sake.

But it’s not as accepted that teenage girls (or women at all!) also masturbate and that’s good and healthy. I firmly believe that if you masturbate and know what you like and want and what pleasures you, you will be in a better position to have a healthier sexual relationship with a partner. For one, you can guide your partner and help them understand what you like and want. And perhaps more importantly, if you are able to claim your desires and voice them, you are much less likely to do something you don’t want to do. If you know what you do like, it’s easier to be clear “nope, I don’t like that!”

So do it! Figure out what you like and want. Don’t be afraid to explore and be adventurous. It’s totally in your hands, so it’s completely safe and healthy.

Of course I kinda love the female image better.

Classic.

Get on it! You’ve got some catching up to do.

Happy Masturbation Month!

Fifty Shades of Pussy Balls.

Sometimes I get nervous that I won’t be a legit blogger until I’ve read Fifty Shades of Grey.

I know I’ll eventually have to give in and read that shit; I feel obligated in some way to stay on top of what’s going on in sex culture.

Until then, here is all I have to say about it.

1. If totally bored housewives are getting all riled up and trying out fluffy handcuffs and mildly rougher sex, good for them. I support exploring sexuality and trying out new things in all forms. Whether it unleashes your secret kink or simply tantalizes you to try something different, I am for it.

2. I’d be weary of stereotypes of the BDSM/kink community based on anything it says in this book. Until I read it, this will do.

3. Perhaps my most favorite, I’ve heard that Kegel balls are selling at record rates. Anything that leads to increased sales of Ben Wa balls is all good by me.

I hope you are doing your Kegels right now.

Good for your vag in general. Good for your sex life. Good for your birthing. You know, it’s just good. And if ladies are purchasing these en mass, I am psyched!

bachelorette season

Once again at Bachelorette season i have to die a little bit on the inside and watch this shit.

This’ll be a short post because otherwise i’d just be paraphrasing myself from last season’s bach emotions.

But once again, my mind is blown by the entire process. You’ve got like 20 massive crushes developing and after a short date you have to send them home based on what you think about how they will be for you as a match for your future off into forever. But you are allowed to swoon and make out and hold hands with all these men and they have to swallow their jealousies in the hope of winning this game show. You know, where you win a bride.

It boggles my mind. We are okay with the fact that Emily is basically in an open relationship with all these boys. And we are okay with it because in the end she’ll be monogamous. Fascinating, America. How do you reconcile all these emotions?!

I saw a Bachelor Pad ad for the next season and they are talking about how maybe Ali and Frank will hit it off again, since of course serial monogamy is totally okay, so now that he’s done with that girl he dumped Ali for, we’ll all be fine with him going back to her. Because serial monogamy is better than open relationships. That we can wrap our heads around.

Amazing. Go get them, Emily. A handful of them.

Player.

After being accused of being a “player” last night, for the bazillionth time, I got to thinking so many things.

Okay first off. If I don’t think I’m a player but someone perceives me as so, maybe the situation is that they actually just don’t like me. I have spent a lot of my life feeling guilty for flirting too much or trying to be less sexual towards people or trying to act in different or more appropriate ways. But at the end of the day, as hard on myself as I can be, I have sort of just come to terms with the fact that this is who I am. I can change my behavior and make sure I am not rude, taking advantage of people, or offending everyone in my path, but at the end of the day, I am just a highly sexual, highly flirtations, very overtly loving person. It’s the essence of who I am, and it’s just me.

So of course some boys don’t like how I act towards them or approach them, thinking I am too flirtatious or direct. But some boys don’t like me.

While I often choose to believe that boys do like me and just can’t handle my approach, I have to know that I am consciously doing that to save my fragile ego and sense of confidence.

I really truly don’t actually think I’m a player. Or even really that slutty. I’m sure I’ve had less partners than most people assume, and probably less than you. Given my history, I really usually care about anyone I am going to make out with, at least in some capacity. Or I at least feel safe and trusting of them. I have to.

And that’s what it comes down to. Maybe it’s not really that I am whorish that is the problem, but that I am too innocent. I am so trusting in people and the world and assuming that they are loving and trusting also, so I let myself be vulnerable with them. Because at the end of the day, taking off your clothes and letting someone literally inside of you can be a pretty vulnerable situation.

So yeah, maybe I am a whore because I will fuck you on the first date or have sex with a friend who has never expressed any emotional interest in me. Or maybe I am just naive beyond my wildest dreams in assuming this person isn’t going to hurt me when I open up to them in this very intimate way.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think every sex act is and/or has to be intimate. I am just saying that given my history, I do approach each encounter with a certain amount of trust required to proceed.

Of course I have to trust myself and that is the most important aspect of it all. I need to know that I won’t let myself get hurt like I did in high school. I have to know that I am an informed and educated and responsible and sexual adult who is making her own choices and fuck I hope they are okay ones. At the very least, not destructive.

To be fair, the kid who called me a player was trying to point out the gender differences in the terminology. Like, if I was a boy, I’d be called a player, and that can been seen as positive. But since I’m a girl it’s slut or whore or easy, and those all have super negative connotations. But at the root of it, I still felt the judgement of not having one single partner that I will love and be sexual with forever.

So maybe I wouldn’t take it so personally if I didn’t feel like it was at least a little true. Like I am a little bit of a whore. And that is the part that pisses me off. We teach little girls that they are slutty. It’s hard to not internalize these things.

One of the angriest moments in my church going years was when my priest actually said “and you see these girls today in 7th grade and they are dressing like sluts.”

I was young enough to be horrified because I still thought of a priest as being someone in a position of power or as an authority figure who is assumed to have at least some level of divine wisdom. But I was old enough to be pissed as fuck and use that in my ongoing argument to my parents about why I would never attend church again.

Obviously I have gotten over my Irish Catholic upbringing enough to leave my guilt behind and make out with who I want to when I want to make out with them, but that doesn’t mean I am healed from a lifetime of being looked at askant for having any sexuality whatsoever.

Part of me is just so over being fucking polite. I am who I am, take it or leave it.

Sex Attack!

Yesterday the metro published this ridiculous headline of note. “DNA links man to 2004 sex attack.” Sex Attack!?! Really?! That’s the term you want to use?

Don’t you think sexual assault may be the term we are looking for? Sex attack makes it seems hilarious and out of your control like dance fever or the like.

When I see sex attack, I want to say it with jazz hands.

boys not men.

oh boys. boys boys boys. you have so much to learn.

seriously. by the time you are an adult, you should be able to handle a girl hitting on you.

you should find it hot even. amazing. sexy. you should feel lucky that she is choosing to direct her sexual energy your way.

every boy from the first boy i tried to kiss first (circa age 15) to the boy i will try to pick up at the ice cream shop next week cannot handle my upfrontness. they really want you to wait until they act first. honestly, i cannot think of a single success i have had when i had the control in the situation.

when i mention this problem to my friends, both males and females respond “you must be hitting on boys, not men.” okay, so show me a man who can handle a blatant, blunt, bold, sexually confident woman wooing them. even when i am 100% sure that a guy is into me, it only works to wait.

so what is it? the thrill of the chase? wanting to feel like you are in control? feeling emasculated by a confident woman approaching you first? it’s no longer appealing to like a girl when you know she likes you? (i.e. the sense of wonder is gone?)

i am serious boys, tell me what it is. i’m not into keeping these traditional gender roles around, so i’d like to know how to work around them.

jay z supporting gay marriage

i’ve always said jay z is the only man i would do even if he kept his socks on.

love this adorable endorsement of gay marriage “it’s the right thing to do as a human being.”

yay!