Let’s get to the root of why i started a blog in the first place.
Generally, people view me as having a fairly sunny personality. So much so that they occasionally get offended by my rage. But let’s be clear. Anger is a very key and very important emotion. There are moments i would be worried about you if you weren’t pissed the fuck off. There are periods of my life when i have been filled with rage towards your basic everyday heteronormative expectations. Days when i have been filled with hate towards males in general. (If i haven’t posted a blog on how i came to forgive and love and empathize with men yet, it’s forthcoming. Thank you again, bell hooks.) For the most part, i feel like i have good healthy anger at the appropriate things. So what better place to channel your anger than into blogging?
The moment i decided to start a blog was the moment i read about My New Pink Button.
OH MY GOD SO MUCH RAGE.
According to their website, My New Pink Button is a “temporary dye to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia.” It’s apparently supposed to keep your lady bits looking young since as we age we get “genital color loss.” There is so much wrong with this picture i lose words.
When i started talking about My New Pink Button (MNPB), most peoples reactions to me having a bit of a heart attack about it that it was probably not real. Maybe it was even an Onion article. But i am here to tell you. Yes it’s real! The advertisements recommend it for anyone who “needs some pinkening up due to age, hormones, or ethnicity.” !! All i can say to that is fuck this racist sexist fucking product. Unreal. The marketing for the product is astounding. They have a “doctor” feature the product and testimonials on the website – people are saying their gynos told them about it and recommended it.
Women don’t need another thing they are comparing themselves to other women about or another way to live up to a non-existent ideal. Especially when inevitable differences like age and race are being fetishized. And when the process of getting there “burns.” i’ve researched a bunch and haven’t found any ingredients yet. But the chemicals that are in MNPB cannot possibly be okay to put anywhere near your vagina. (Especially if they don’t even have the gall to list the ingredients on the website!) It reminds me of skin lightening cream used in Africa and India to make you whiter. It’s sickening.
i have had some friends argue that maybe this is something that could just be considered fun in bed, like using handcuffs to mix things up. While i totally support openness and play and fun, there are underlying racist and sexist implications with this particular burning product that make me wish i could single handedly destroy it’s existence.
The implication of this product is that there is a “normal” color for your labia to begin with. Why does it have to be brand spanking sparkly new pink? Who are we trying to impress here? What standard are we even trying to live up to? Much appreciation to this blog on normalness and this product.
Reasons you might not have a “normal” hot pink vag:
1. Okay, so they have convinced me that post child birth you might have “discoloration.” My tits might also get bigger after i pop out a baby and no one is complaining about that change. Why try to get back to my original color? This one will do me just fine. When i’m sixty i don’t want the vag of an 18 year old.
2. Race and ethnicity impact the color of your labia. Um. Yeah. And? Fuck you if you think white girl lady parts are better than black girl lady parts. There is so much racism embedded in this assumption that i need to write a soc paper, not a blog, on it.
This one brave blogger tried it the product for us all. i will not put that shit anywhere near my body, but was amused by her post and grateful i didn’t have to try it. Apparently it barely works anyway, so hopefully the product will never catch on. And i’ll never need a solution to a problem i didn’t even know i had.
i believe i have said it before. i am sure i will say it again. Whatever natural state your labia/vulva/vag/general lady parts are in is beautiful and perfect. Don’t go fucking with products like this to make em more appealing. Gross! There is no normal vag color, and thank god. Yours is right.
Fuck you, My New Pink Button.
That is all for now.